A Muslim Wife Trapped in Spiritual Gaslighting, Slowly Reclaiming Her Inner Ground
From being told “just have sabr, he’s a good man” and “divorce will send you to Jahannam” to gently untangling the fear, shame and self-doubt in her body – and beginning to feel lighter, clearer and more at peace inside.
Hannah is a European Muslim in a long, emotionally damaging marriage.
On paper, she’s doing what a “good wife” is supposed to do: patient, loyal, trying to keep the family together.
Behind closed doors, she’s living with constant criticism, manipulation and emotional neglect.
When she tries to speak up, her concerns are minimised or turned back on her:
- “You just need more sabr.”
- “He’s such a nice man, you’re too sensitive.”
- “Divorce would be a scandal for the family.”
- “You just need to try harder.”
She isn’t in a position to simply walk away. But she knows she can’t keep living like this inside.
She reached out because she sensed the first step had to be an inner shift – in her nervous system, her beliefs, and how she relates to herself before anything else.
At a Glance – Who Hannah Was Before We Started
On the Outside
- Practising Muslim wife, trying to keep the marriage together
- Keeping up work, family and community expectations
- Seen as patient, strong and “too sensitive”
- Community mostly believes her husband’s façade
On the Inside
- Heavy, tense body – wired nervous system, poor sleep
- Frozen in old memories and shocks she never processed
- Deep self-doubt: “Maybe I am the problem”
- Shame and fear of letting her family and Allah down
Why She Reached Out
- Spiritually gaslit whenever she raised concerns
- Terrified of divorce, yet terrified of staying like this
- Knew she wasn’t ready to leave, but needed inner strength
- Wanted a safe, faith-rooted space to untangle what was hers – and what wasn’t
When Faith Is Used to Silence Instead of Support You
By the time Hannah contacted me, she’d tried to “fix herself” for years.
Whenever she hinted that something was deeply wrong at home, she heard variations of the same message:
- “Have more sabr.”
- “He’s such a good man, you’re overreacting.”
- “Divorce will be a scandal for the family.”
- “Leaving a husband like that… do you know what that means for your akhirah?”
Slowly, these words did more damage than his behaviour alone.
She started to question her own sanity, her own faith, her own heart:
“Maybe I am ungrateful. Maybe they are right. Maybe this is my test. Maybe I should try harder.”
Inside, her body was screaming. Her chest felt tight, her stomach knotted, her shoulders permanently tense.
But because almost nobody around her could (or would) see it, she carried it alone.
What she really needed wasn’t another lecture about patience. She needed someone to sit with her pain, validate her reality and help her nervous system start to feel safe again.
“Just Talk About It” Didn’t Touch the Core
Hannah had tried talking to friends and, briefly, to a professional.
Each time, she ended up feeling either:
- blamed (“Have you tried being more positive?”),
- minimised (“At least he doesn’t hit you”), or
- pathologised (“You’re very sensitive and overthinking things”).
What nobody did was help her connect what was happening in her life to what was happening in her body.
She didn’t need to retell the story.
She needed a way to release the fear, shame and grief her body had been holding for years.
“The way those emotions were physically linked and got a name was very powerful to me.”
She didn’t need to retell the story.
She needed a way to release the fear, shame and grief her body had been holding for years.
How We Worked Together –
Somatic, Trauma-Informed & Faith-Rooted
Over three months on Zoom, our focus was simple but deep:
help Hannah’s body, mind and heart remember that she is not crazy, not alone – and not trapped in the way she’d been told.
What sessions looked like:
Grounding at the start of every call
Helping her nervous system register: Right now, in this room, I am safe. Feet on the floor, feeling the chair or sofa, gentle breath, orienting to the space.
Guided visualisation to access the somatics
Instead of only talking about memories, we invited her to notice where they lived in her body – the tight chest, clenched jaw, heavy shoulders, sick feeling in her stomach.
Personalised EFT tapping sequences
We built rounds around her exact emotions, words and sensations:
“this fear”, “this anger no one saw”, “this sadness in my chest”,
plus the beliefs planted by others: “maybe I am too much”, “maybe they are right about me”.
Thought + nervous system + body shifts together
As she tapped, we tracked changes in all three:
less intensity in the body, softer thoughts, more space to breathe and choose.
“Truly a relief of old pushed down emotions that I sensed dissolve into nothingness.“
Integrating the insights with her faith and identity
After each round, we reflected on what had shifted and connected it back to who she truly is:
a deeply feeling, intelligent, loyal woman – perfectly imperfect as Allah created her, not a burden and not a failure.
A Glimpse Inside One Session –
Meeting the Frozen Part That Was Never Seen
one session, we revisited a childhood shock:
a sibling who nearly drowned while she stood there, frozen.
Nobody asked how she was after. Nobody checked on her terror, her guilt, her shock.
Life simply moved on – but her nervous system never did.
In our work together, we:
- grounded her firmly in the present,
- used visualisation to gently return to that moment with adult support,
- tapped through the terror, guilt and anger she had never been given space for,
- and helped her younger self receive the care and protection she’d always needed.
By the end of the session, the memory was still there – but the charge was different.
She could remember it without her whole body locking up.
Her dominant thought had shifted from “I failed” to
“I was a child, and I deserved care too.”
The Transformational Breath Journey
Letting Go of the “Unspoken”
longside the regular sessions, Hannah chose to do a separate transformational breathwork journey – my hybrid “Letting Go” journey.
In this kind of session, we don’t force words or stories.
The focus shifts to the wisdom of the body and the rhythm of the breath.
For Hannah, this space allowed her to release the “unspoken”:
- the pain that was too raw to put into sentences,
- the layers she wasn’t fully conscious of,
- the emotions she had learned to swallow in the name of peace and piety.
As she stayed with the breath and the somatic impulses, her body started to discharge what it had been holding for years.
There were waves of emotion – and then a deep, quiet stillness.
She finished the journey deeply moved and relieved at the same time, describing it as if something old had finally loosened its grip.
From Spiritually Trapped to Quietly Stronger on the Inside
Inside:
- Less harsh inner dialogue, more clarity about what had happened to her instead of what was “wrong with her”
- Noticeably calmer nervous system – fewer spikes, more ability to stay present with her own feelings
- A lighter body: less constant tightness, more breath, more softness
- A clearer sense of boundaries – what she will and will not carry alone anymore
- More trust that Allah sees her reality, even when people don’t
Outside:
- Still navigating a complex marriage and community – but no longer feeling as powerless inside
- Using grounding, somatic check-ins and tapping on her own when things flare up
- Taking time to pause and integrate, instead of rushing into drastic decisions from panic or fear
- Exploring her next steps from a more rooted, God-conscious place
“Her non-judgemental approach left no feeling, emotion or physical experience pass by without getting the proper attention.
I feel so relieved and lightweight… the sessions were truly transformational.”
If you see yourself in Hannah’s story…
You don’t have to stay stuck between “sabr” and silent suffering.
There is a way to honour your deen and honour the reality of your nervous system.
“This might be you if…”
- You’re in a painful marriage but don’t feel able to simply walk away – yet
- You’ve been spiritually gaslit into doubting your own pain and perception
- Your body feels heavy, tense or numb more often than calm
- You’re exhausted from trying to be a “good wife” while slowly disappearing inside
- You’re ready to start healing on the inside, even if nothing outside has changed yet
If you’d like gentle, faith-rooted support to untangle what’s yours – and what was never yours to carry – we can explore that together.
Not sure yet? You can also explore more client stories before you decide.
Sessions are 1:1, trauma-informed and rooted in Islamic values.